Don't you ever find yourself in situations where you feel like you're losing yourself and turning into the kind of person you'd consider making a voodoo doll of and sticking needles into? I've gotten so caught up in emotions and luxuries that once seemed foreign to me and I can't decide if I like it or not. Clearly I'm perturbed because I feel like I'm no longer that level-headed person who doesn't waver despite the carrot dangling from a stick. I used to have someone to talk to about these things - to tell me right from wrong, and that what I'm doing is Okay or isn't.
And no, I'm not referring to my inner Jiminy Cricket.
Sometimes I get confused between what's more important: the world knowing the real me, or me knowing myself. It's hard to ignore the grey area when your whole life's grey. And then you ask yourself questions you never have answers to, which only serves to spread the greyness of it all.
This space isn't titled emo nemo fur nothin', punkass pinkertons. If anyone has any words of comfort/wisdom to offer this disturbed panther, you're welcome to speak your piece. My family's going to Sydney in a couple of weeks and I'm really nervous about not getting to come with. I just want to add more pictures to my globe-trotting display collection.
I come across as such a show-off sometimes, but all I'm really showing off is my contentment.
Friday, December 5, 2008
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